DAMN YANKEES: Thoughts/Predictions

Last week HOLLYWOOD, no doubt feeling somewhat responsible/guilty about Prop 8, gave all little homos a gift: Jake Gyllenhal and Jim Carey in a "contemporized" remake of DAMN YANKEES. Apparently the big wigs are waiting for a script before searching out directors/Lolas, and I feel like this might never take off. But Jake would be a dreamy Joe Boyd (or anything), and Jim Carey is pretty idea for the devil. As for the rest? Let's ponder:

Cotemporize?--I don't really know what this means. I guess some of the songs will get new arrangements or something. Most of them will probably get cut. The only songs I am confident will make it into the new version are "Goodbye Old Girl", "Heart", "A Little Brains, A Little Talent", "Whatever Lola Wants" and "Those Were the Good Old Days." "Two Lost Souls" will probably make it in because it's a pretty fierce song. "Six Months" and "Shoeless Joe" are major numbers for anyone who likes the show, but they're pretty hokey, golden-age stuff and might not make it to the silver screen this time around. Young Joe's numbers with his wife ("A Man Doesn't Know" and "Near to You") are also up in the air--they were cut from the original film version, but have basic, pleasant melodies that could be updated. Dramatically, they're probably the most interesting in the show (young stud in love with Matron who doesn't realize she is talking to the young stud version of her husband). Perhaps some new song will be written. I can say with 99/9% certainty that we will not hear the phrase "who's got the pain when they do the mambo". I also wonder what baseball team Joe will play for? Certainly not the Washington Senators. A fictional team perhaps? I suppose if they were going to make up a team, they could keep it as The Senators, and we could imagine they still exist.

CASTING!--This is the fun part. The more I think about it the more abvious it is to me that Beyonce IS Lola. Simply having her perform would instantly update her numbers, she can dance it, sing it, and generally use her bootyliciousness to erase any memories of Gwen Verdon, but in a respectful way (because you can't eliminate Gwen Verdon). I honestly can't think of anyone else who would actually be exciting in this part. I am praying with every fiber of my being it isn't Reese Witherspoon. Or Renee Zelwiger. ::shudder:: If the number "Shoeless Joe" stays in, I expect Christine Baranski to sing it. Though the part may be too "small" for her, I actually think Meryl Streep would be the perfect Meg (and would provide good reason not to cut her songs). The part is always overlooked but one of the most interesting and unique in musical theater--the dowdy housewife who gets the man. Faith Prince would also be perfection, but probably isn't enough of a name. Christine Baranski could also fit in here, but seems a waste of her comedic talents. Who would play old Joe? For some reason, all I can think of is Alec Baldwin. Burt Reynolds also comes to mind for some reason.

Let's just hope this actually happens, even if it is a total shit-show. Until then, we have NINE to look forward to!